Welcome to MenoPaws! By using our website, booking an appointment, or letting us cuddle your elderly pet, you agree to the following terms. Please read them carefully (or just skim — we’ll never know).
Services
We specialise in caring for elderly female animals. We will do everything possible to keep them comfortable, healthy, and loved — unless they specifically request spa treatments, which are subject to staff availability and cucumber slice shortages.
Appointments
When you book an appointment, you agree to show up on time, bring your pet, and not blame us if your lorikeet gives us sass. Missed appointments may result in us passive-aggressively sighing the next time we see you.
Payment
We accept cash, card, or payment in the form of unlimited chin scratches from your cat (though management prefers money). All bills must be settled promptly — our therapy goat gets anxious if we’re behind on rent.
Liability
MenoPaws is not responsible for:
• Fur, feathers, or glitter that mysteriously end up on your clothes
• Your pet refusing to leave because they like us more
• Any emotional damage caused by your dog discovering we have better snacks than you do
Data & Records
By engaging our services, you agree that we may record your pet’s vital health information, favourite nap spots, and least flattering nicknames. We reserve the right to tell funny stories about your pets in the staff room.
Funeral & Palliative Services
We promise to provide dignity and care when your pet reaches the end of their journey. Please note: playing “The Lion King” soundtrack at funerals is optional but strongly encouraged.
Changes to Terms
We may update these Terms anytime. Usually after a staff meeting, a coffee, or whenever the clinic cat walks across the keyboard.